An open letter of apology...

...to anyone I have ever cursed for their lack of driving skills. I apologize for my frequent displays of sarcasm (sometimes bordering on rage) invoked by frustration over spending upwards of three hours per day driving a route that should take two. Sometimes to myself, and more often aloud I wonder, "What is your problem? Can you not read the signs?" or "Is this your first time driving or something?" Today it occurred to me: that may in fact be the case. And if it is, I am sorry for my impatience and unforgivingness. I hereby resolve that when I either a)return to the US or b)become a seasoned driver in Europe; I will show you the patience that people showed me today.

As you may have guessed, today I picked up my lease car provided by KPMG. It is a 2006 VW Golf. It's very cute, I'll add a photo once it is clean. Today was one of the most terrifying days I can remember, I'm thankful I'm not in Britain or another country where the steering wheel is on the other side and they use the left side of the road - I don't know if I'd have made it!

When I took the driving test to get my license, I spent about 20 minutes with an instructor in a town with no stoplights. I had to demonstrate that I could safely turn left and right, use my signals, and come to a complete stop. I didn't even have to parallel park! All this, and there were in total about 10 other vehicles within a 3 mile radius (none of which were honking or yelling at me, by the way).

When I first arrived in San Francisco, as I attempted to maneuver the unfamiliar territory I asked "What in the hell were they (the DMV) thinking when they issued me this Driver's License?" Why, instead of taking my $4, isn't the toll booth attendant checking to see if I am in fact qualified to drive in the city? (I think they should have a similar operation at the base of a mountain pass during snowy months, to be fair). But I managed, and with a little practice I think I've adjusted for the most part.

Of course I do realize it is unrealistic to expect that someone check qualifications of drivers when traveling from one traffic and road condition environment to the next. But from one CONTINENT to the next? You'd think they'd have controls in place for that! The gentleman asked me, "can you drive a stick?" and when I replied affirmative he tossed me the keys!

He sent me on my way with a navigation system that speaks to me in Dutch (I subsequently got help changing it to English) and a Petrol card. My first stop was to fill up the tank. Parking in front of the pump I suffered a flashback to my first solo trip out of Oregon (where all stations are attended and it is illegal to pump your own gas). I stood there, confused, staring at the various Dutch signs and notices and looking around for some guidance. A kind young man offered his assistance and did everything he could to stifle a smile. As it turns out, it's very complicated. You insert the nozzle, and then squeeze the handle. I felt my face turn red as he explained, "in Holland, we still trust people to pay us." I chose to interpret his explanation as a sign that other Americans had made the same mistake before. It cost over EUR 85,00 for 53L - I'm still struggling with the Metric system but I know expensive when I see it!

My next challenge was to find my way to the De Meern office. With my navigation system programmed and a full tank of gas, I pulled onto the motor-way and drove with white knuckles to the office I will call home for the next 18 months. Of course, I can't understand what the signs say as they are in Dutch. I recognize a few familiar names of towns, but without a strong sense of direction or orientation, I don't know which ones to choose. As if that weren't enough, even the symbols and road markings are completely different. All of the lines are white (whether on a one way, two way, or divided road) - some dashed, some little triangles, and there is the occasional solid/dash combination (which does not mean "no passing"). A huge red circle with an "X" through the middle does not mean, "Do not enter" and when a sign indicates you are no longer in a 100 Km/h zone, it doesn't indicate what the speed limit is now. I actually have no idea what any of them meant, I had to improvise by observing other drivers - I'm going to study tonight.

I did arrive at KPMG De Meern in one piece - somehow. I met with the Secretary to the Partner I'll be working with, and she introduced me to my new colleagues around the office. It was not until they took my photo badge picture that I realized I'd apparently been sweating profusely and looked like I'd gone days without a shower. Nice first impression - the sweaty American girl.

On my way home I decided to wait out the heavy traffic by stopping for a snack. I asked the navigation system to take me to a restaurant near my current location. Finally, after 30 minutes of driving around lost uttering (or was it yelling?) a few choice names and phrases at the voice narrating directions, I gave up and headed back to Amsterdam. My clever plan to "wait out" traffic was a silly idea - there is no such thing here. It's one of the most densely populated cities in the world and nearly everyone drives.

Tomorrow I'm going to scope out a "Park and Ride" facility to avoid so much congestion. And I'm not listening to that stupid nav system for restaurant suggestions - she had no idea where to go! I felt like one more turn and I'd have ended up like Dwight and Michael when their rental car GPS told them to drive into Lake Scranton. If you haven't seen that episode of "The Office (US version)" then pretend I said something really smart and funny.

I am exhausted, and look forward to sleep. Today was tough, but of course it could have been much worse. I did learn a valuable lesson: I need to be nicer to people who are driving like idiots - there's a chance they really did learn to drive yesterday. Again, my sincere apologies to all of the bad drivers in San Francisco and beyond (except taxi drivers - there is no excuse for them).